Marvel Brova!
Narrator (Stan LeeJ): It’s day fifteen in the Marvel Brova house. Last night, Elektra was evicted by the general public of Luxembourg (all ten of them) creating tension in the house between the Hulk and DareDevil, as the Hulk beat Elektra by seven votes to three. Although Hulk was obviously very pleased with the result, DareDevil locked himself in the bathroom with the week’s ration of Twinkie Bars and refused to come out until Robin the Chicken pecked down the door. DareDevil then made himself feel better by preparing himself a nice little chicken kebab.
*08:24. The Kitchen. The Invisible Woman is the first awake and is making herself a cup of tea in her pink dressing gown. Spider-Man joins her. He is wearing his Spidey boxers and tee-shirt. And his mask. Still.*
Invisible Woman: Hey Spidey.
Spider-Man: Hey.
I.W.: How’s poncy arse doing?
S.M.: Do you mean DareDevil?
I.W.: *Childishly* Maybe.
S.M.: You should really call him by his name you know.
*Spider-Man jumps onto the counter and web-yanks a Twinkie Bar over as the Invisible Woman climbs onto the counter and sits next to him.*
I.W.: When he stops calling me ‘Oi Ugly’ then I’ll stop calling him poncy arse.
*Meanwhile, in the hen-house, BlackCat emerges suspiciously with feather’s in her hair, licking her lips. She goes into the house.*
I.W.: Morning Cat…er, what’s with the feathers?
BlackCat: Slept in the Hen-House.
I.W.: *Pause* Riiiiight. Any particular reason?
B.C.: I…like…straw?
***
Narrator: It’s 10:33. Wolverine has been in the bathroom for the past hour and a half fixing his hair.
*The Hulk, Spider-Man and Storm are waiting outside the bathroom. Spidey bangs on the door.*
S.M.: Come on man - I’m gonna pea my tights!
Hulk: You’re making me angry. You don’t like me when I’m angry.
Storm: Yoh brotha! Move yo fat ass outta dat bathroom, or I’m gonna put a cap in yo ass! Yo Mamma be workin it quicker dan you, an I should know, coz I be seein her last nite - bitch!
*Wolverine’s claws suddenly shoot out through the door two inches away from Spidey’s face.*
S.M.: O…kay, I think I can wait a little longer.
***
Narrator: The housemates are deciding on this week’s shopping list; as they failed to complete last week’s task of colouring in-between the lines of signed pictures of Simon Cowell, they now only have a budget of 23p.
*The group are sitting in the lounge area with their shoes and socks off, Wolverine is trying to keep count on their fingers and toes.*
Wolverine: Seven…Eight…Ten - oh phoey! I’ve lost count again!
B.C.: Again, that’s the fifth time!
*Wolverine has lost interest and is filing his middle claw. BlackCat throws a pillow at him, it hits him in the face.*
Wolverine: What’s the problem, girlfriend?
B.C.: Can’t you focus on something except for guys for one second of the day!?
*Wolverine is not listening since Spider-Man is bent over picking up the pillow. BlackCat rolls her eyes and tuts. The group has not noticed that the Hulk has turned big and green. He smashes the chalk-board, snapping it in half.*
Hulk: Hulk SMASH!!!
S.M. Right, that’s the end of that then.
***
Narrator: It’s 14:17 and the temperature in the Marvel Brova garden is 23°C. All the housemates are sunbathing in the garden, except for Iron-Man, who is bed with a “headache” (cuts to bedroom, Iron-Man is hidden by the covers, one section is moving up and down very fast, ‘clink, clink, oh yeah, that’s the oil I‘m talking about!’) and the Invisible Woman, who is talking with Marvel Brova.
Marvel Brova: How are you feeling today, Invisible Woman?
I.W.: Homicidal, psychedelic, horny…y’know - the usual.
M.B.: Now that you’ve been here two weeks, what are your feelings towards the rest of the group?
I.W.: Well, the Hulk is so sensitive, I mean, all I did the other day was say that he had a really small willy, and he threw the fridge across the room.
M.B.: How is your relationship with Spider-Man.
I.W.: I still feel for Reed, but…I just want a good shag. Y’know? I need maintenance.
***
Narrator: It’s 17:53. The house-mates have been set their weekly task. They have bet 96.489302% of their shopping budget on being to successfully make models of sexual organs using only dried macaroni pasta and crazy glue. Dismayed with their present failure to make any progress, they have consumed 36 bottles of beer, 3 bottles of champagne, 8 kegs of shandy and half a bottle of vinegar. The Invisible Woman and Spider-Man are currently naked in the Jacuzzi (‘oh, oh, oh, oh ,ohhhhhhhhhhh!!! There goes my web shooters!!!’) Wolverine comes to talk to Marvel Brova.
M.B.: Hello Wolverine, how are you feeling this evening?
Wolvie: Pissed as a fart actually.
M.B.: How are you getting along with the rest of the group?
Wolvie: Well…BlackCat is a stropy cow. *Makes a limp wrist gesture.* DareDevil has problems, *Makes drinking gesture.* Hulk is soooo temperamental, Spidey’s got this cute little but on him, the Invisible Woman stole my hairbrush, and she won’t give it back, and Iron man has been *makes wanking gesture.* y’know - so basically, I’m living with a bunch of animals. *Crosses his arms and pouts.*
M.B.: Is there anything else that’s bothering you, Wolverine?
Wolvie: Well, now you mention it…*Starts to whine.* I have to wake up really early to wash my hair and I only have hot water for an hour, after that it’s bloody freezing, I have to feed the sodding chickens, and they stink, I have to cook my own food, if you can even call that orphanage gruel food, I’m getting a rash from sitting on this Swedish attempt at furniture, the diary room chair squeaks like an over-worked whore! *Rocks back and forth on the chair producing a noise like a strangled cat.*
M.B.: Okay. Well, how-”
Wolvie: Oh - and! And! None of the other boys wash, they keep playing tricks on me, and - *lip trembling* and, Marvel Brova - the bigger boys keep stealing from my tuck box!!! Aren’t you going to doo something?!?
*The is a short pause.*
M.B.: Wolverine, Marvel Brova suggests that you go f*ck yourself.